Grumpy Old Boater

by Ian H Bruce (2016)

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Water temperature's rising, the oil pressure's low
He's coughing out black smoke wherever he goes
He should service the engine but we darenít tell him so
For he is a grumpy old boater

Baggy jeans, oily tee-shirt, and scuffed leather boots
An abrasive old misfit, too fond of disputes
For politeness and manners he donít give two hoots
For he is a grumpy old boater

Irksome and set in misogynous ways
He lives in the past, dreams of long bygone days
An outspoken critic of all he surveys
For he is a grumpy old boater

When boaters greet him he just cuts them dead
Averting his eyes he stares straight ahead
"How do?" and "Good Morning" and are words left unsaid
For he is a grumpy old boater

He'll shout and he'll swear at boats passing by
'Cos he thinks they're too fast and he’ll never see why
He can’t be a candidate for ‘Mr Nice Guy’
For he is a grumpy old boater

Alone on his boat through the long winter storms
He's a churlish hothead when the temperature warms
It's 'Bah Humbug' to summer and those leisure boat swarms
For he is a grumpy old boater

That queue at the locks just couldn't be worse
While stopped does he chat? No, quite the reverse
He'll gripe and he'll groan, heíll chunter and curse
For he is a grumpy old boater

So take note grumpy boater, you know who you are
On tow-path, afloat, or propping up bar
A cantankerous dipstick who just goes too far
So push off you grumpy old boater

I've met lots of very nice, friendly people whilst travelling the waterways but, just as one drifts off into the realms of utopian contentment, some miserable so-and-so brings me down to earth with a bump. Then, of course, there are the 'professional' moaners who complain about everything. The phrase 'grumpy old boater' can certainly be applied to many I have come across and there just had to be a song in there somewhere. I'd like to dedicate this song to ... .. . no, perhaps not!